Mood of Today

My mood swings like swings and round-a-bouts so I have to let it out shout out loud but no one can hear me cause when I shout I don’t want to make a sound.

How do I feel today?

I am pissed off cause my only stable relationships I have (Friends) seem to think it's much more fun to go out and get drunk than come and see me. Well that I would have to agree with but there is something inside that eats away at me - I think about why they would rather be there, why they don’t want to come and see me, was it something I said, did I do something? Have I upset people because I have announced I might be Bi Polar. Do they really think I am crazy now!? I cant get way from the fact that when I don't see people I REALLY WANT TO SEE THEM but when I am with them, I’m as quiet as a mouse and just sit there taking it all in my head. I can't communicate like the others do. I’m always afraid of what I might say to offend one person or the next so you can imagine how I am when I have a crowd of people! FUCK.

I’m going to see my Nan and Great Grandma, hopefully with my new knowledge they might be able to say "Oh yes such and such had something like that" - This is a Genetic Illness so really there should be someone in my DNA who suffered as I am now. Who knows? - No One knows, but I want to find out! LOL