Mood of Today

My mood swings like swings and round-a-bouts so I have to let it out shout out loud but no one can hear me cause when I shout I don’t want to make a sound.

How do I feel today?

I am pissed off cause my only stable relationships I have (Friends) seem to think it's much more fun to go out and get drunk than come and see me. Well that I would have to agree with but there is something inside that eats away at me - I think about why they would rather be there, why they don’t want to come and see me, was it something I said, did I do something? Have I upset people because I have announced I might be Bi Polar. Do they really think I am crazy now!? I cant get way from the fact that when I don't see people I REALLY WANT TO SEE THEM but when I am with them, I’m as quiet as a mouse and just sit there taking it all in my head. I can't communicate like the others do. I’m always afraid of what I might say to offend one person or the next so you can imagine how I am when I have a crowd of people! FUCK.

I’m going to see my Nan and Great Grandma, hopefully with my new knowledge they might be able to say "Oh yes such and such had something like that" - This is a Genetic Illness so really there should be someone in my DNA who suffered as I am now. Who knows? - No One knows, but I want to find out! LOL

The Bi Polar Sufferer

Information for my Nation.

Symptoms of depression include:

• Feeling sad or blue, or “down in the dumps”
• Loss of interest in things the person used to enjoy, including sex
• Feeling worthless, hopeless, or guilty
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Changes in weight or appetite
• Feeling tired or having little or no energy
• Feeling restless
• Problems concentrating or making decisions
• Thoughts of death or suicide

One person describes depression this way:
"I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless. [I am] haunt[ed]…with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all…Others say, 'It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it.' But of course they haven't any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can't feel, move, think, or care, then what on earth is the point?"

Symptoms of mania include:

• Increased energy level
• Less need for sleep
• Racing thoughts or mind jumps around
• Easily distracted
• More talkative than usual or feeling pressure to keep talking
• More self-confident than usual
• Focused on getting things done, but often completing little
• Risky or unusual activities to the extreme, even if it’s likely bad things will happen

One person describes mania this way:
"The fast ideas become too fast and there are far too many…overwhelming confusion replaces clarity… Your friends become frightened…everything is now against the grain…you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped."

Hypomania is a milder form of mania that has similar but less severe symptoms.

My Introduction with Bi Polar on my side

Hi my name is Richard AKA Blandy. Welcome to my Blog.

I have not been diagnosed with Bi Polar yet, however I am certain that I do show personality traits of a Bi Polar sufferer. After visiting my GP last week it was apparent to him that this may be the case. There are the up days and then there are the down days. Lately there have been more of the down days than normal and that is always going to be tough but from what I understand and how I have always coped; I’ll talk to the screen about it and release some of that emotion.

So what’s my plan? – Well I want to learn as much as I can about this Illness. It is an Illness and not a disease and so this is something that may have laid dormant throughout my early childhood. It has always been there, the thought that I didn’t fit in with the rest of the world. I was different, very withdrawn and preferred it that way. Now when I am at the Adult crossroads, being 22 years old, I think a lot of these issues are starting to resurface for that final attempt to put things in the past and reconcile differences within the family. Emotions are strong and thoughts fast, sometime sit feels like a multiple car pile up on the motorway to my brain.